The Beginning

In 3 months, I am going home on a vacation for the first time in nearly 5 years. It has been 10 years since I graduated high school and moved away. Today I realized that I don't want to see anybody. Not friends, not family, nobody. I don't want to go home. I'm terrified. It is not that I don't miss everyone. I do with all my heart and soul. I need this trip. I need to reconnect. I need to introduce my 15 month old son to our family. So why am I so terrified to see my loved ones? In the past 10 years, I have gained over 100 lbs. Wow! Putting that in writing makes me a little emotional.

Who am I? That is a question I have asked myself frequently and I don't know the answer. The answer I tell myself is that I am an avid nature lover who loves sports. In reality, I can barely walk 1 mile. I'm 29 years old, 5'2'' and weight 236.5 lbs. I have a husband who has watched me gain 100 lbs since marriage. He sticks by me, but not happily. Who could when I'm not happy with myself. I am a mother who will not be able to keep up with her child soon. It is starting to get harder and harder now. I am a woman in desperate need of friendship but I have little self confidence to maintain a friendship outside of work.

Why lose 1/2 of myself? I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of lonely. I am tired on making up excuses. I want to be a good wife, a good mother, and most of all I want to be a good me.

How to lose 1/2 of myself? My stategy here is bound to change. My first and foremost dedication is to this blog. I believe putting my thoughts and feelings down in writing, I will learn more about myself and hold myself accountable. Because I don't want to do another fad diet, follow "You on a Diet" by Dr Rozen and Dr. Oz. They give practical and healthy tips on diet and exercise. The Wii Fit serve as my "scale" and extra exercise challenges. Finally, I will use self hypnosis as a tool. I believe thoughts are powerful in guiding my life. I will use this to my benefit.

Where I am going from here? I am on a road to self discovery I believe. Hopefully, I'm on a road to be a better me. If you decide to follow me along this journey, see you at the finish line on June 30, 2010.